It’s actually the little everyday things that make a marriage last not the big fancy dates and such. Ask yourself everyday what can I do to make my spouses life easier today? It’s really the small gestures that are most important.
- required date night – however we’ve discovered that we are usually too tired and grumpy to enjoy each other so we now have Early Morning Breakfast date (once a week). Its sooo much better for so many reasons. We listen better, are more patient and it really sets the mood to have a great day together.
- we are committed to a volunteer organization that requires us to work together twice a week. It helps us keep our priorities in focus. Also, if we happen to not be getting along, it forces us to “get it together ” and get along for the sake of others.
- finding time/activities alone. He enjoys fishing, I enjoy crafts and alone time in general. That also helps us remember that we are separate people who deal with stress in our own way. It also helpful to bring something to the relationship to talk about other than the kids or work. Helps us to appreciate each other’s individuality.
Reading helps a lot too! I love relationship books. The five love languages by Gary Chapman is a good read. Same goes for him. If you give as much respect and preference to your spouse as you give to your boss/client, you’re in good shape. Make the time.
Spontaneous can also mean little things like coming up behind her, giving her a hug and telling her how wonderful she is or surprising her with pancakes one morning.
Here are some ideas that I have when it comes to be spontaneous and surprising your significant other:
- Come home with a single long-stemmed rose at random, no occasion needed. Especially if she calls you and says “We need milk from the store, could you get it on the way home?” This is a perfect opportunity to do so.
- If distance and timing allows, surprise her for lunch one day.
- Find out a day your spouse has off, and you aren’t too busy at work…call in sick, this is great during the fall/winter, because some people get there and have lots of sick days un-used.
- Make an excuse to go to the store on a Saturday afternoon, bring some nice clothes with you. Stop at a store, buy chocolates, change in the restroom, come home and knock on the door, say you’re here to take her out on a date, act like a nervous teenager, and sit on the couch as she gets ready but don’t watch TV or anything, because it “isn’t your house”.
- At any time (and use this sparingly), catch her standing up and empty handed and start kissing her very passionately, take her breath away, caress her with your hands, whisper in her ear how much you love her.
- At anytime, if there is appropriate music playing (or start playing it yourself), start dancing with her, even serenade her, it doesn’t have to be good, but she won’t see it coming. Nothing to be embarrassed about, she may giggle, but she will 9 times out of 10 think it’s cute.
- Start a tickle fight. Why? Because who cares?
- Leave her loving notes where you know she will find them (The appliances for chores ARE NOT a good idea!)
- Does she love foot rubs or massages? What lady doesn’t? Keep a bottle of lotion or foot cream next to the couch, or where ever you tend to generally spend your evenings together. Instead of dicking around with your phone, put that sum-bitch down and rub those feet good. It feels good for her, and believe it or not, it’s good for your hands, too…Win-win!
- Did she wear that dress you really liked? Tell her! How about that new perfume? I bet she cares what you think.
- Doing chores on your weekend? “Fuck it! Baby, lets go see that movie you were talking about the other day!” Or… “Babe, lets blow this Popsicle stand and go try that new ______ restaurant across town”.
The list can go on for days, look for opportunities and openings whenever you can.
If you feel that she is looking for specific things, maybe just act on that, do the dishes before she gets home or something, even small things she might not notice, like vacuuming, or clean the bathroom porcelain.
Best if you never mention that you do it, let her discover it on her own, even if it seems like she doesn’t.