Space Your Children

Having kids very close in age has negatives of sibling rivalry, whereas, if you give them some gap (say 3 years apart) then they can still play together but not in such fierce competition (for same toys, etc.).

She may come around to another once things are more settled into a routine. My 1st in now in preschool and a 2nd is on the way. I didn’t really want another (for many reasons) but knew that sibling play would be really valuable. So here we go =)

Good luck. Focus on the positive and keep voicing your belief in a larger family. She may come around with a change in heart.

It is not just her body, her choice. This is both of yours family. If you all discussed this prior to marriage and she has simply changed her mind now, then that is not right. Short of her having serious problems while pregnant (and no, being uncomfortable or nauseated for a couple months does not count as serious problems, nor does chosing to be induced and not liking how that turned out), she needs to reconsider. This is not fair to you and you should not be left out of the loop just because she is the female. Your opinion and thoughts count too.

Even if you have a generally easy pregnancy is still very difficult, and that’s not even considering a number of other factors. What was her emotional state? Did she have post partum depression? What was their experience with the newborn? Did mom do all the work? You don’t know near enough to suggest that this woman should sacrifice her body against her will. I do think she should consider her husbands desires, but she’s not a baby making machine that should just produce at her husband’s will.

Outdoor Weddings Sound Terrible

The idea of an outdoor wedding is something that really captures the beauty of a wedding in ways that few others do. But then why do they sound bad.

I said that outdoor weddings “sound” terrible. That is nothing against the actual wedding, but more against the actual sound.

In a lot of weddings you pine over every aspect in great detail. The outdoor wedding must have country wedding paper, mason jars, and burlap runners. It needs hay bail benches and this and that, little trinkets of every type. But one thing that gets over looked is the sound. And that is one that that having a wedding outside is bound to need the most.

I’m one for having an outdoor wedding, and you will find many officiants who will be able to help you out. But unless it will be on a porch without any distance to the audience you will need a sound system (the type used to do a lot of fundraisers). The only wedding I saw that benefited from not having this was on a boat dock, guests were all relatively close… And her officiant could really project.

You definitely need to mic them up in other cases. Trust me, it’s really boring sitting through a 15 min ceremony that you can’t hear a single word of. And in an outdoor space with 130 people, almost everyone won’t be able to hear.

I was part of an outdoor wedding that hosted 150 people. During the initial preparation with the officiant she made the statement that her voice would carry well. Everyone was skeptical since she was just the petitest thing in the world. At the rehearsal she showed us what she meant. And I tell you, it was not what she had promised. Her voice was so light and hard to understand even just a couple of rows back that I have to admit I felt bad for other people that took her at her word.

I got to work right away and had her come super early the next day. We did a microphone on her lapel so she wouldn’t have to hold a mic and her book thingy at the same time!

This was so much better.

Lucky hubby has a knack for such things and he had the things at home that we would need for a mini sound system. (Send your hubby her to learn about sound systems.)

Had he not had them the wedding would have gone up by a couple of hundred dollars easily.

So how can you make it sound better without costing a bundle? Borrow one.

Do you know anyone you could borrow a setup from? Even a small one?

Ask people who may not even be coming, anyone who does theater/church singing/lots of fund raisers may have access they can help you with. It’d be best to have one and not need it, then to not have it and it be needed. Also consider your venue shape and size and maybe reserve the front chairs for your older guests.

As a last ditch effort you can always try and rent one but they can be as expensive

Waiting Until Marriage

Yes, there are guys out there who would wait. I’d bring it up within the first few dates.

A good partner will respect the wishes of his SO, even before they exchange vows. However, as the voice of experience, do the both of you a favor and set VERY clear boundaries. What exactly is off the table until marriage? Strictly penetrative sex? No masturbating each other? No oral or anal play? Let him know where you stand as far as the most common sexual acts, especially ones outside of just PiV. If you are open to things like oral or mutual masturbation, that will be important to note.

As others have mentioned before, when it comes to sexual desires, explain why. In my husband’s case, it was very simple; he was raised in a very conservative household and he was somewhat religious. Knowing that why is critical. If you two may have conflicting ideals then it is better that they come out someplace outside of the bedroom.

Have this conversation soon, and be firm, but don’t treat it as a heavy topic. Be honest and gentle about it. If this guy is worth it at all, he’ll listen. 🙂

A final quick encouragement: Don’t be afraid to explore your own sexuality in the meantime. Touch yourself from head to toe and every bare spot in between. Look at yourself naked in the mirror and practice self-appreciation. Masturbate, for goodness sake! 😛 When the time comes, it will help you be more confident and knowledgeable. Good sex very rarely just happens, it takes time and effort, so start by learning what touches and such make you tick.

Even if you disregard that and want to test your partner, waiting until marriage is risky! Choose a couple of months (or at the very very worst, engagement). Waiting until marriage will likely result in realizing you’re sexually incompatible way too late, thus causing a divorce when it doesn’t work out. Not to mention, you’d be starting your marriage with a big fat lie, him finding that out will also cause resentment or divorce.

Gary Chapman is a Good Read

It’s actually the little everyday things that make a marriage last not the big fancy dates and such. Ask yourself everyday what can I do to make my spouses life easier today? It’s really the small gestures that are most important.

  • required date night – however we’ve discovered that we are usually too tired and grumpy to enjoy each other so we now have Early Morning Breakfast date (once a week). Its sooo much better for so many reasons. We listen better, are more patient and it really sets the mood to have a great day together.
  • we are committed to a volunteer organization that requires us to work together twice a week. It helps us keep our priorities in focus. Also, if we happen to not be getting along, it forces us to “get it together ” and get along for the sake of others.
  • finding time/activities alone. He enjoys fishing, I enjoy crafts and alone time in general. That also helps us remember that we are separate people who deal with stress in our own way. It also helpful to bring something to the relationship to talk about other than the kids or work. Helps us to appreciate each other’s individuality.

Reading helps a lot too! I love relationship books. The five love languages by Gary Chapman is a good read. Same goes for him. If you give as much respect and preference to your spouse as you give to your boss/client, you’re in good shape. Make the time.

Surprise Her With Spontaneous Acts of Love

Spontaneous can also mean little things like coming up behind her, giving her a hug and telling her how wonderful she is or surprising her with pancakes one morning.

Here are some ideas that I have when it comes to be spontaneous and surprising your significant other:

  • Come home with a single long-stemmed rose at random, no occasion needed. Especially if she calls you and says “We need milk from the store, could you get it on the way home?” This is a perfect opportunity to do so.
  • If distance and timing allows, surprise her for lunch one day.
  • Find out a day your spouse has off, and you aren’t too busy at work…call in sick, this is great during the fall/winter, because some people get there and have lots of sick days un-used.
  • Make an excuse to go to the store on a Saturday afternoon, bring some nice clothes with you. Stop at a store, buy chocolates, change in the restroom, come home and knock on the door, say you’re here to take her out on a date, act like a nervous teenager, and sit on the couch as she gets ready but don’t watch TV or anything, because it “isn’t your house”.
  • At any time (and use this sparingly), catch her standing up and empty handed and start kissing her very passionately, take her breath away, caress her with your hands, whisper in her ear how much you love her.
  • At anytime, if there is appropriate music playing (or start playing it yourself), start dancing with her, even serenade her, it doesn’t have to be good, but she won’t see it coming. Nothing to be embarrassed about, she may giggle, but she will 9 times out of 10 think it’s cute.
  • Start a tickle fight. Why? Because who cares?
  • Leave her loving notes where you know she will find them (The appliances for chores ARE NOT a good idea!)
  • Does she love foot rubs or massages? What lady doesn’t? Keep a bottle of lotion or foot cream next to the couch, or where ever you tend to generally spend your evenings together. Instead of dicking around with your phone, put that sum-bitch down and rub those feet good. It feels good for her, and believe it or not, it’s good for your hands, too…Win-win!
  • Did she wear that dress you really liked? Tell her! How about that new perfume? I bet she cares what you think.
  • Doing chores on your weekend? “Fuck it! Baby, lets go see that movie you were talking about the other day!” Or… “Babe, lets blow this Popsicle stand and go try that new ______ restaurant across town”.

The list can go on for days, look for opportunities and openings whenever you can.

If you feel that she is looking for specific things, maybe just act on that, do the dishes before she gets home or something, even small things she might not notice, like vacuuming, or clean the bathroom porcelain.

Best if you never mention that you do it, let her discover it on her own, even if it seems like she doesn’t.

Why A Vow Renewal

I think vow renewals are great for people who didn’t have their dream wedding or just want to celebrate their love again!

I think in your case, this would be entirely appropriate. If you didn’t invite a ton of people to see you get married the first time, I’d even consider doing the whole ceremony again. Vow renewals typically have some sort of “ceremony” type thing where the couple can actually say vows again, but there’s nothing wrong with just having a celebration if that’s what you want. I think it’s completely appropriate to do something like this for your case 🙂

Renewal of Vows & Gimme’ Money

I saw an invitation to a vow renewal that had a cute little poem, oh it had all of the ear marks of a classic, poorly phrased, condescending, and sugar sweet.

I love how people think that if they are planning a formal occasion little poems prevent things from sounding like anything other than “Gimme’ money.” Please learn vow renewal etiquette people!

I would think a gift is appropriate. Just like a formal dinner, you bring a bottle of wine, a marble rye (elegant, tastey, and easy to bake), cookies, potted flowers.. something so you aren’t empty handed.

Not ya know, stuff.

Nothing over $15 (unless someone doesn’t like wine with cartoon characters), and obviously no money. Wtf were these people thinking?

While in most formal gathering a gift is appropriate. I would definitely think to bring something, not hundreds of dollars worth, but definitely something (bottle of wine probably). It’s pretty standard and polite to bring something to show your appreciation for someone going to the effort of putting together a gathering you’re attending.

I think what these folks were doing was trying to ask people for a small cash donation instead of receiving 50 small nick nacks and random bottles of wine, which seems completely reasonable to me. I think they then realized it might sound tacky to ask for cash, and tried to use a funny poem to reduce the awkwardness. But unfortunately, they missed the landing and ending up making it way more awkward.

I wouldn’t read too much into it. Bring a small contribution ($20?) as a show of appreciation, nothing more.

Asking for a small cash donation instead of a gift is only reasonable if you are asking that the donation go to a particular charity.

The only times it would be acceptable to mention gifts in party invitations is when they ask for none because “your presence is present enough” or when they ask that you donate to a particular charity instead of a gift. Asking for cash for the couple to keep is absolutely crass.